Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Look to the Bow

I've been doing a pretty good job of writing in my journal of blessings.  I made it every single night in January.  February snuck up on me, and things got really busy.  I missed a couple nights in a row and then tried to catch up.  But, God wanted to make sure that I remember to reflect on my blessings every night, no matter how small they may seem.  

Let me back up a bit.  Joel had his nine-month well visit two weeks ago on Tuesday.  Dan stayed home to finish up some drawings for work.  No big deal.  Nine-month well visit.  It was no big deal until I saw the look of concern in Dr. M's face as he pressed Joel's belly.  I'll tell you what...I'm going to order an ultrasound.  His right kidney seems to be enlarged.  It could be gas or a bowel movement, but I want to make sure. I don't remember feeling it last time.  I felt the color drain from my face; I looked across the table to see tears streaming down big brother's cheeks as I held back my own.  He gave us the paperwork.  The nurse came in with the HepB shot.  Joel whimpered for about five seconds after said shot.  I pulled his pants up. We checked out and walked to the car.  I buckled him in, kissed his cheek and went around the other side of the car and wilted in the drivers seat.  I cried my eyes out as I tried to call Dan.  No answer.  I didn't want to call anyone else until he knew what was going on.  Daniel held my hand the whole way home and we prayed like we never prayed before.  My world was rocked.  I was scared, and I prayed so hard. Did I already mention that?
An ultrasound was scheduled for the following evening.  Dan got home in time to go with us.  As I held his tiny hands while the tech squeezed cold gel onto his belly and probed all over his abdomen, I thought back to just a little over a year ago when I laid on that same table where we found out we were having another boy.  We were told Dr. M would call us with results that same night.  I turned the volume up on my phone and took it everywhere I went.  I rocked Joel to sleep, and prayed that I would have many more nights of rocking.  It was after 10 and I knew he wouldn't be calling, so I sat down on our bed and read this...
Trust God where you cannot trace
Him. Do not try to penetrate the 
cloud He brings over you;
rather look to the bow that is on it. 
The mystery is God's;
the promise is yours. 
{~ John R. MacDuff from Whispers of Promise, 2009}
I wrote in my journal and thanked God for what we did have...hope.  A peace like no other swept over my body and allowed me to get a good night's rest.  I called Dr. M's office early Thursday morning and got I'll put a note on his desk; he typically returns his calls within four hours.  I was kind and thanked her, prayed that he'd call sooner than four hours because I wasn't sure how much longer I could stand the unknown.  About 45 minutes later {during my dear student teacher's lesson} my phone vibrated in my hand.  I ran to the hall to hear Dr. M's kind voice...Joel's ultrasound came back, and everything is perfectly normal.  I caught my breath and all I could say was, that is so awesome! Thank you so much!  His reply: I didn't think it was anything, but I just wanted to make sure. Unless you have any questions, we'll see you at Joel's one-year check-up.   

Yes, you will see him at his one-year check-up...and his get the picture.  We are thankful to have such a caring doctor.  He could have said nothing and then found something the next time.  Our two days of worrying and clinging to hope paid off.  The mystery was ours, but God knew the outcome would be perfect.  We all need to look to the bow. 

I love this boy.

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